I am delighted to share the first couple of items from my 10(?) point action plan to be implemented by the boss b*tch taking a break from instagram to up her femin-ism game and dismantle the patriarchy and all that…
I wanted to wait for the post to be complete, but tbh, had WAY too much fun with this to hold off until then.
Let’s say they are in descending order of importance for my current mood.
1. Learn how to want to use a computer.
That shiny MacBook that I too enjoy can do more than transfer photos from an external hard-drive you borrowed from your boifriend. You won’t always have the cash or lack the common sense to carry around the newest model so you should be eager to learn all about the OS and how to unf*ck stuff when it inevitably chokes on your 32 abercrombie webstore tabs because you understand going to Best Buy with a new credit card application in hand once a year is not as cute as you think.
Show those boss babe vibes off by taking care of your machine. Running out of the 50$ for a protective case altogether or buying slave-labor-sleeves from Temu that complement your fast fashion outfit of the day is not the way to do that.
If you are a “windows girly”, learn how to summon the task manager: the utility— not your XY-Buddy or boitoy— smashing that power button is SO 2000s. Learn how to access DNS settings on your boss babe network. Oh and while on that subject, stop looking at a sister who chose to rename her WLAN like she was J.K. Rowling…
If you like bothering other people with requests for torrents or “bootlegs”, learn how to steal things off the internet yourself. The letter salad next to your name does not go well with weaponized incompetence.
If you meet a sister who has a gaming mouse and assume she must make her money off onlyfans on the basis of that, there is something wrong with you, and she will power-scroll right past the content of your empty life.
It’s not an android charger— please google that, seriously…
To round out the prescriptions for responding to other women’s stuff, your intrusive thoughts about android phones are your business until they turn into verbal diarrhea. It’s not a political statement to own one, but when you “go there” you ought to be ready to feel pretty dumb at the end of that person’s explanation for choosing to forgo the iPhone.
2. Respect others' religion.
I know…being a girl is hard. Your persecution complex leaves so little room to think for yourself most days: it makes so much sense that religious people disclose their faith as a personal affront to your bodily autonomy! When it’s written all over your face that you cannot wait to burst forth with commentage on the repressive practices and traditions that person is either knowingly or unknowingly promoting, you look like the butthole of someone with irritable bowel syndrome. Your shallow observations are as condescending as they are compulsive. Many women with fundamentalist-ish religious beliefs have deep and well developed relationships with theology. If you run into them out in the wild, especially, ask yourself whether there is a real possibility that they need to be educated or perhaps even saved by you. None of this is to dismiss the myriad of crimes and injustices committed against women (and men) past and present under banners of distorted and perverted interpretations of religion. My admonishment is reserved for privileged princesses in the lands of plenty who try to other equally privileged peers that profess voluntary membership in a religious community.
Instead, I would invite you to think on the tolerance that someone like that has shown you over the years as you exploit their holidays and traditions each season—unapologetically with a selfie rocking that risqué themed outfit and the added confidence boost you get from having evolved like so far beyond “needing” to subscribe to a religion.
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